I am Dorf.
Twenty years ago, as a teenager, I started my first "real" job in the glitzy and glamourous world of slinging fast food at every penguin shaped waterhead that pressed thier gapping maw against the drive through window.
One day my new boss asked me, "What's yer name, kid?"
I said, "Louis Doerflinger."
He said, "That's too much to remember. We're just gonna call ya Dorf. Now go clean the vomit out of the soap dispenser."
The nickname stuck and from that day hence I was known as Dorf.
Today I am a stand up comic, a writer, a movie lover, a drunk, a stoner, a pervert, a sinner, a liberal, a progressive, a contrarian, a skeptic, a believer, a loudmouth and a galaxy class asshole. So far that's all I've managed to make of myself, but give me a minute. I haven't had my coffee yet today.
For the duration of this blog I will be talking at your face about all of the subjects listed above as well as whatever other topics, old stories and shiny objects that happen to catch my attention along the way.
Why?
Because I am Dorf. That's why.
I cry at sappy TV commercials. I habitually punch self-help books when they invade my airspace. I stand in judgement, harsh and unforgiving, of those who disagree with the notion that Evil Dead 2 is the greatest film ever committed to celuloid by mere mortals. I stand in opposition to cruelty, hypocricy, misinformation, exclusionism and poetry. I experience a level of excitement that is borderline sexual when I notice a large gathering of people in need of being told to fuck themselves.
In fact, "Go fuck yourself." is my very favorite sentence in the English language.
I am Dorf and I wanna be just like Al Swearengen when I grow up.
The following blog will contain profanity, hyperbole, graphic depictions of motherfuckerism and probably the occasional cute kitten video or two because I'm sure a significant percentage of my readership will consist of my mom and you gotta do something to keep the retard demographic in your corner if you're gonna be in show biz these days.
If this sounds like a good time to you, then please, come on in a stay awhile. The show is free, we have great drink specials and for now all the seats in the front row are up for grabs.
If this does not sound like a good time to you, then please, come in and stay awhile anyway. I'll be funnier after you've had a few rounds. Just remember that we only have one rule here at Dorfblog and that one rule is this; You. Are. Wrong.
Now that we have all that out of the way, let's start the show.
I am Dorf and my mom laughed at that retard joke harder than any of you fucking pussies.
